I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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