so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We left an ass print on the piano.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
