he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
And then my night got REAL pukey
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
