Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
