I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
