We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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