Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
