I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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