Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
