im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
