someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
