woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
