I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i out mim tonsoeep
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