my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
