Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
