I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
