dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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