All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Did I show you my penis last night?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
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