I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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