I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
