barbara walters just said penis...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The best revenge is premature balding
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
