New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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