Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
