My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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