could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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