i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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