Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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