1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
