My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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