My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
