Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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