hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Houston, we have a blender
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
this is an emotional support booty call
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
