I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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