I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
