He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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