Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
