i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
