East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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