that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
