so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
