just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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