no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
