just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
