I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize