I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
