I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i permit you to call me
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
