I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
