i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
