How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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