Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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