I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
