dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
