Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
