Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
