i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
