Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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