youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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