Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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