Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
