my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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