I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
