Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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