we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
