Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
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