guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm determined to sit on that face.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Panties = found
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
