I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
