and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
