I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
