You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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