Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
