I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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